[Bryony Wharfe | Contributing Writer]
There are many reasons why getting back with an ex partner is bad news, but then there are many reasons why it’s the best thing you could do. I took back an ex after a split due to distance; we moved in together and now we’re the happiest we’ve ever been. When you love someone enough, you will try your hardest to make the relationship work once more, but sometimes it’s like trying to glue back a broken plate; it’s just never going to be the same again.
Here are three reasons why getting back with an ex can be okay, and reasons why it can’t:
1) Learned lessons
If someone treated you badly in the past but has since realised and now knows it was wrong, they’ve grown and become a better person. They have learned their lesson and if they want another chance, perhaps it’s to show you that they’re not that person anymore. They’re willing to put effort in to improve things, to do anything to get you back and apply the new lesson they’ve learned to a relationship. If your ex-partner is a fundamentally good person and they just messed up once or twice, it doesn’t have to be the ‘end-end’ of that story.
“We had to break it off because we both wanted better, but after one week we realised that we didn’t need to look for anyone else, we just had to try better for each other. Our love just needed a bit of testing.” – Tom, 20, University of Hertfordshire Student.
However, if they crossed way over that line, it’s best to leave that relationship in the past. Someone can slip up, honestly regret it, and try anything to win your trust back again while others continue not having any respect for you or the relationship. Those types of people should not be should not be welcomed back, no matter how much you love them.
“He cheated on me, big time, and I gave him another chance because I loved him, but he only stabbed me in the heart again. My emotion controlled my decision and I should have thought more clearly about taking him back.” – Ellie, 22, University of Hertfordshire Student.
2) Changed circumstances
Sometimes relationships end because other influences and situations outside of your relationship can get in the way: careers, distance, friends, family, etc. A long-distance relationship may work for some, but for many it doesn’t, and not only does it strain your relationship but it can also affect your life as a whole. But say you move back and you both happen to be single; the only thing that got in your relationship before has now gone, there’s plenty of space to get things back to how they were.
“I believe relationships deserves second chances, she just didn’t.” – Luke, 19, University of Hertfordshire Student.
However, say your friends or family don’t approve of your partner, you can either ignore them and follow your heart, or maybe there’s a good reason as to why they say that, and perhaps you should listen to their advice.
“My mum always said there was something about him she didn’t like, after the second time he cheated I finally listened to her and dumped him.” – Ellie, 22, University of Hertfordshire Student.
3) People change
Everyone goes through changes in their lives, people shift through different parts of their lives maybe every day or once every 30 years. Maybe you broke up because you wanted build a future your life for the better, but they wanted to stay young and party. Or perhaps they wanted a more serious relationship but you still wanted to have options open. People change, and maybe when you meet a few weeks, months or years down the line you two happen to be on the same path. Maybe the relationships before didn’t work because you weren’t right for each other yet, some people need to grow and develop more than others and some need to experience events and situations in order to change. Just because you weren’t happy before, doesn’t mean you can’t be happy now.
“She made me depressed, she was like poison and I was addicted. She made me the worst version of myself, even after I took her back, she didn’t change, and our relationship didn’t change. Some people just don’t change.” – Tom, 22, London.
However, there’s also the view that people never really change deep down. Last year you wanted to go to university, but they just wanted to go clubbing every weekend. Now they’re starting university and you happen to be aiming for the same thing, and that’s great. But maybe last year you wanted children and they didn’t, and now you meet up and they say they’re thinking about it, but they may never change their mind. They may never change and be the person you want them to be.
“You can either get back with them hoping that they’ll soon turn into the person you want them to be, or you can find someone where they’re already that person.” – Jess, 21, University of Hertfordshire Student.
At the end of the day it’s your decision, it’s your life, and no-one can tell you who to love and who to leave but you.