[Tom Rowe | Contributing Writer]
Coming to the Hertford Theatre this Saturday is ‘Live at the Hertford Theatre’ – a comedy night featuring award winning comedians such as Matthew Osborn. Matthew has appeared on TV shows such as Russell Howard’s Good News and even won ‘English Comedian of the Year’ in 2009. Trident Media were lucky enough to steal 15 minutes of his time, as he gave aspiring comic Tom Rowe a quick interview!
Tom: To start, how long have you been doing stand up and why did you get involved in it?
Matthew Osborn: I’ve been doing it about, 7 or 8 years now, I thought it would be an enjoyable thing to do, you know, something other people can’t interfere with too much.
What do you think is the first joke you wrote where you thought ‘Hold on a minute, I’m funny’?
M: Where do wasps go when they’re ill? Waspital
T: Fair enough! Now I’m assuming you had your fair share of student years – getting drunk?
M: No, I’ve never been drunk, I like to think of myself as being like James Bond, I keep a high level of alcohol in my blood at all times so I never tip over into drunkness.
T: Have you had any exciting stories whilst holding this average measure of alcohol in your blood? Give our freshers at Hertfordshire some inspiration.
M: Umm, I once was in a car chase with some strippers and a drug dealer, and we escaped the drug dealer.
T: Why was he chasing you? Were you with the strippers?
M: I don’t know, they wouldn’t tell me. Yeah I was with the strippers, they promised to give me a lift home, they knew the drug dealer, I said “Why is he chasing you?” they said “We don’t know!” I think they probably owed him money…
T: Right, I hear that a comedians least favourite words are ‘Oh tell us a joke’, what do you usually respond to that?
M: It is a professional trap – I can’t remember any! That’s partly because I don’t want to tell them and partly because I genuinely can’t ever remember any jokes properly when I’m off stage, I don’t know, it’s odd, I can’t get them into my head when I’m off stage.
T: What happened at your worst gig?
M: Somebody threw a bottle at me and it missed, I didn’t see it coming, it went straight past my head and it hit a girl in the audience!
T: Why did they throw a bottle at you?!
M: I don’t know, it was a pretty innocuous piece of speaking I was doing, I think they were just so drunk or angered by my face that they decided to lob this bottle!
T: But the rest of the gig was alright?
M: It was a perfectly nice gig, surprisingly nice, they just threw a beer bottle, it was quite a long time ago!
T: Have you got any big shows coming up?
M: I’m looking forward to Hertfordshire! I look forward to all of the gigs. Well, not all of them, some of them you know are gonna be terrible. But most of them aren’t terrible and so you think ‘Oh, that should be fun.’ And it usually is, if you see one as being ‘special’ it usually turns into a disaster.
T: Being honest… what would you rather be doing instead of this interview?
M: Just eating a cheese and pickle sandwich…
T: I’m assuming you’ve seen ‘Monty Python and the Holy Grail’? What is your favourite insult that the French Guards use?
M: I wave my private parts at your Aunties. That’s a very good one.
T: Okay, have you got any advice you’d give to young budding comics? And how would you recommend they start gigging?
M: Don’t do what anyone else does, do something completely different. They probably need to be in London with easy access to the West End and do loads of free gigs.
T: Right I’ve got one last question, why can I compliment my Dad on his moustache but I can’t compliment my mum on hers?
M: Because you’re not close enough to her!
‘Live at the Hertford Theatre’ takes place on Saturday 25th October at 8pm. You can find out more and book tickets online at hertfordtheatre.com. Stay tuned for our full review of the night!