[Charlotte Green | Contributing Writer]
As soon as the Christmas cards are gone, out come the Valentine’s ones. If you’re single on the 14th of February, pretty much everything serves as a pleasant reminder of your relationship status. Here’s a list of things it’s best to avoid if the only special someone in your life is a bottle of wine.
1) The radio
Well, unless you want to hear Whitney Houston’s ‘I Will Always Love You’ on repeat and soppy shout outs keep it switched off.
2) Fancy restaurants
Valentine’s is the one night you cannot turn up to a restaurant and expect a table, or even go with one of your friends without it being assumed you’re an item. If you do get a table expect couples gazing lovingly at each other and expensive Valentine’s themed menus. Your best bet is to join the other singletons -and that guy who forgot the date – in KFC. Who needs a romantic date when you can have a bargain bucket to yourself?
Just like Christmas, Facebook at Valentine’s sees an influx of relationship status changes. Although at first it may be great to gossip about who’s getting engaged, it soon turns into a stark reminder that the only long term relationship you’ve had is with your bed.
4) Going on the prowl
Replacing love with sex and taking home the first person you find in The Forum may have seemed like a good idea at the time, but once daylight shows what you really ended up with you may think differently. And if you don’t get to that point, it may just be you standing in the middle of the dance floor surrounded by snogging couples. Bear this in mind if you’re wearing green to the Flirt! traffic light party on the 13th February!
5) Card shops
You go in trying to find a birthday card for your Nan and instead become engulfed by a sea of red hearts and soppy messages. Only enter after Valentine’s to stock up on reduced price chocolates.
6) Drunk texting/calling/general communication
Do we really need to go into this? No matter how lonely you are put the phone down. You do not need to declare your love for your ex or that guy in your seminar class. It will only end badly. Especially if the response you receive is ‘whose number is this?’.
Avoid anything that has a nice, happy ending and involves Kate Hudson or Katherine Heigl. Horror films are a much better option – bad endings are guaranteed.
8) Asking for comforting advice.
So you’re feeling lonely and you need to vent a little bit about your failed love life and single status? Instead, you receive plenty of reminders of where it all went wrong. ‘Remember that guy you dated in sixth form? What on earth were you thinking?’ Yeah, thanks Mum!
So there you have it – grab a KFC, a horror movie, and keep your phone turned off for a stress free, singles Valentine’s Day!
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